The Struggle in My Bed

14 Jul


No, it’s not what you think (that is, if your mind is in the gutter)

When I was still a working woman (which was like, two weeks ago), mornings are the worst. I’ve never been a morning person. I can stay up really, really late, till 5AM or beyond, but it takes a humongous effort for me to get up at 7AM. When I was still in Laguna, it was a constant battle between me and my Mom to actually get up when I needed to. 3 alarm clocks don’t make any difference, and I’ve abused the snooze button countless times

So one of the things I was so looking forward to now that I am a woman of leisure (aka freelancing aka jobless aka broke) was to wake up whenever I want to and sleep however late I want to

But it has become my greatest enemy

My bed continues to be a magnet, and me, I’m made of metallic material. But now, there is that added bonus of the emotional upheaval I experience whenever I wake up

At least, before, I had a purpose, I had something to look forward to, and yes, even the pressure and stress were reasons enough for me to get out of bed and force myself to step into the shower, when my head still wants to lie on my soft pillow

But now, I wake up, and I think to myself, “No one is looking for me, no one needs me, there is nothing that I should be doing right at this moment”. And those thoughts depress the crap out of me

And so the struggle to get my butt out of bed goes on…but this time, it is without joy lurking just around the corner. I actually dread what is lurking out there, terrified that it will devour me. And no one will be there, or will care enough, to hear me scream

Don’t get me wrong,  I know I still made the right decision, but someone needs to kick me out of this funk of my own making. Someone needs to talk some sense into me. Someone needs to drag me out of this self-pitying mode

And the scariest thought of all…is that no one is there to do all of the above

Let the pity party end

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Posted by on July 14, 2009 in i get so emotional baby



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