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The Possibilities Are Not Endless

25 Jun

When I made the decision last week to leave my job, there was an equal mixture of sadness and excitement. Sadness, because as I said in my previous post, I love love love the people I work with and it is painful beyond imagination that I will be leaving them in less than a week. Excitement, because I can choose to do whatever I want since I am single and fancy free and have no responsibilities whatsoever. The future was bright, the possibilities were endless

Until I woke up this morning with the familiar feeling of dread. Suddenly, all the fears, the uncertainties and the insecurities are threatening to overwhelm me and paralyze me. I still know and believe with all my heart that I’ve made the right decision, but suddenly, the gravity of what I’ve done is slowly dawning on me

What the hell am I thinking resigning during this economic recession?

Where the frak will I get the money to buy all the stuff that I need to set up my work from home writing career?

Will they forget about my existence a week after I leave?

I told them I want to be their friend forever, but what if I’m “out of sight, out of mind”?

I’ve never really applied for any job my entire life, and now that I’m 30, I’ll be doing it for the first time?

What if they’re actually right and I’m not good enough?

Will my Mom ever understand why I’m doing this?

And again again again….why am I doing this?

I am confident that in a few days, things will become clearer, I will regain my confidence and I will sit down and write down everything that I need / want to do in life and that I will have a plan

But today (and maybe tomorrow) is not that day

For a supposed optimist, I am very pessimistic. Or was it the other way around?

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1 Comment

Posted by on June 25, 2009 in Musings on Life

 

One response to “The Possibilities Are Not Endless

  1. april

    July 1, 2009 at 1:03 am

    as i have always said to you my dearest friend, whatever makes you happy. all the decisions we make in our life are almost always geared towards happiness…whether our own or somebody else’s. i wish you the best…

     

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