Freedom Comes at a Cost

21 Jun

My usual answer to the question “Where do you see yourself in 5/10/20 years?” is always, “Yeah, still here, working my ass off with the people I love dearly”

I don’t know exactly when that stopped being true, but belive me, it is something that pains me, and will probably continue to hurt me long after I’m gone from there.

I spent years switching from job to job, not knowing what I will do next after I’ve resigned from each job,because I knew that I haven’t found what it was that I was meant to do. And when finally, at the age of 27, I woke up one morning and realized that this was my passion,that doing this made me excited to go to work everyday, that I finally fell in love with the people that I work with, I knew I owed it all to you. Back when I was still a starry eyed 21 year old in my first job, you already were mentoring me and showing me the joys of this job. And when after years, we finally worked together again, everything made perfect sense

But somwhere along the way, all the unusually long hours, all the friends I’ve lost or alienated because I was always busy and at work, all the hours I’ve missed with my family, all the harsh words and criticisms both warranted and unfair, all the pressure and stress, finally caught up with me

Don’t get me wrong Nay. For the longest time, I’ve abosulutely loved what I was doing. You know me, I thrive on pressure, stress, cramming, long hours, late nights, crazy clients. And the feeling at the end of an event or a campaign, when everything finally falls into place and we see our vision realized, nothing beats that feeling of fulfillment and joy.

And don’t get me started on the people I’ve had the pleasure of meeting. All of you are not just colleagues. I truly believe you will all be life-long friends. During the darkest hours (literally and figuratively), you guys are all that has kept me going. Even now, there is this literal pain in my gut at the thought of not being there everyday, to eat lunch together, to have coffee breaks in the middle of the day, to just bitch and laugh and even cry together. Those are things that I will truly truly truly miss like crazy

But this has to be done. As much as I know it will be painful, unbearable and difficult, the alternative is much more bleak and dreary. I am slowly drowning, suffocating, losing myself and I have to put an end to it before it gets any worse, to the point that I cannot come back anymore

And I believe, that when I reach the end of my rest and my soul searching, I would probably come back, in one form or another, if you would still have me

But until then, I would have to say a temporary goodbye. I say temporary, because I live just a few blocks away and I am volunteering my house to be an extension to anyone who wants to work outside the office. And of course, as I said before, you are all friends, not just co-workers, so coffee, dinner, lunch, videoke, concerts, movies, tv show marathons, are always options

I am truly sorry for whatever pain and inconvenience I am causing. But I love you all the more for respecting my decision and for understanding why I have to do what I am doing. And I do hope that you will continue to hope that I will one day come back


Posted by on June 21, 2009 in Musings on Life


6 responses to “Freedom Comes at a Cost

  1. chroniclesofe

    June 22, 2009 at 1:22 am


  2. Netteskie

    June 22, 2009 at 2:58 am

    I Love You, Ids…. 🙂 We’ve talked about this na. I’ll truly miss u. Take care my dear!

  3. idaflutterby

    June 22, 2009 at 3:23 am

    E – wow, so eloquent. hehe. love you

    Nette – tama na, ayoko na umiyak. hehe

  4. Blessed Mother

    June 22, 2009 at 5:07 am

    What is wrong with you, child?! We are in recession!!!!!! But of course, like any supportive parent, wherever and whatever makes you happy….You should read “The Solitaire Mystery” – I can lend you my copy. Maybe it will help…

  5. dailycaffeinefix

    June 22, 2009 at 7:45 am

    Blessed Mother, there are so many things wrong with me, I don’t even know where to start…Haha

  6. Rain

    June 22, 2009 at 10:08 am

    there is a truth deep inside our hearts that only we can hear.. you have heard yours…


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