on love, marriage and commitment

25 Apr

People keep asking me why I don’t want to get married. And I ask back, why the heck would anyone want to get married at all? I’ve seen and experienced countless stories of heartbreak; men who cheat on their wives, apologize, then cheat again, be contrite, then cheat again, then finally leave at the end. I’ve seen smart, seemingly emotionally stable women lose themselves totally in a relationship then end up broken and shattered after the guy decides that she isn’t the one after all. I’ve seen families, mine included, broken because someone wanted to leave for seemingly “greener” pastures and yet not realize that it is the children that suffer more than the partners and grow up with a distorted view of what love and commitment really is. I’ve seen men struggling, women crying, children suffering. And you wonder why I want any part of that

I, myself, do not believe that I am capable at this point of making the kind of commitment that is expected and needed to make a marriage work. And I have to admit that another reason is that I could not bear it if any of the things I mentioned above would happen to me.

So for those of you who are in loving and committed relationships, I applaud you. You are one of the chosen few who have found the rarest of the rare, and I hope you continue on working for it to stay that way. Do not rely on emotions or romance or whatever it is that we seemingly want out of a relationship but instead work on unwavering commitment and steadfast loyalty. And run like hell when temptation rears its ugly head

For those who have done the hurting, I do hope that your conscience will not let you rest for some time. And I don’t say that out of malice or spite. It is important that you realize the consequences of your actions and it is not alright, whatever angle you look at it. If you’re a man, the excuse that it’s natural will not hold up in any court. If you’re a woman, this goes against every fiber of your being, so I hope you know what it is you have given up. Then, eventually, I hope you all find the happiness that you desperately crave for

For those who were left behind, I sympathize and empathize. I’ve gone through two traumatic experiences with my family and with my own relationship. And I am a living testament that there is life after the blinding pain. Moving on is a decision that you have to commit to everyday, and eventually, at your own pace, you’ll get there. The “real” end of the world is much more devastating so take heart that this is not it

As for me, I will continue on living my life, focusing on those things that important to me. Yes, love makes the world go round, but I don’t think they specifically said that it was romantic love. Love for family, friends, your calling, humankind in general, art, beauty, God; these are the things that matter to me and will continue to matter, with or without the love that has so captivated and devastated the world.


Posted by on April 25, 2009 in Uncategorized


2 responses to “on love, marriage and commitment

  1. viviene

    May 15, 2009 at 1:23 am

    “There is life after a blinding pain”

    I love that!

    I miss you Ate Ida! How are you? Thought you abandoned your blog already.

    I miss you!

  2. Liee

    January 11, 2011 at 9:01 am


    People forget that there is a lot of work involved in making a relationship and a marriage work. If some people are not cut out for it, I think that’s fine. All the pressure of society makes one think that it’s a requirement to get married, or that if you get married you have to have kids. They look as you as a failure if you don’t. I wish people would just let people be.


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