i’m not a particularly brave person, literally and emotionally. just like every other person, i would rather run away from something, escape into a reality that is more comfortable and pleasing, and just put that something in a box and open it only when everything is fine and dandy
risk is not in my vocabulary
but for the past few months, i feel that i have suddenly gone into territories that would have scared the heck out of me last year. i’ve suddenly taken on challenges that i swore i would never go back to. i’ve even risked a bit of my heart for something that i know wouldnt amount to something that would last forever. i’ve started to see myself differently from what i’ve been used to. and i’m slowly allowing myself to dream of things that i’ve previously labeled unattainable
in other words, i’m trying to be a “brave little toaster”
i cannot yet put into words what i felt yesterday, upon being gently confronted by something that i’ve come to deal with surprisingly well. as hugh grant put it, it was “surreal but nice”. but this i know, i am glad that i am slowly evolving into a person that would face things head on instead of running. it involves more tears and heartbreak along the way, but i know that i will come out a better person because of it, and hopefully others would too
there are still a lot of monsters i’d rather lock in the drawer than confront, but i think it will get easier, one dementor at a time. and knowing that i dont even have to conquer these things on my own, because someone else has won the battle for me, is truly a comfort in moments when i feel like i’m losing it
so i will sleep tight tonight knowing that one ghost has been purged and laid to rest. on to the next ones.