Things That I Miss

Before all the databases and registrants swallow me alive, let me just enumerate the things that I miss. I am not at all eloquent right now, but let me just say these things to get it out of my system (and to let people know that I do miss them)

sleep
Lola, Mama and Carlo
eating properly (and not late night binges which are sooo bad for the diet)
my high school friends
my college friends
heck, all my friends
leisurely choosing my playlist. i just rely on the genius button nowadays
window shopping
reading a book in one sitting
binging on all my crime procedural shows
lost
dvd shopping in the mrt central station
scrounging the internet for stuff to download
sleep
sleep
sleep

And so it ends…

I’m closing another “there was this guy” chapter in my life
Don’t ask me yet who, when, where, why
The pain isn’t overwhelming, but it’s there, my constant companion
Maybe in 6 months time, I will look back and laugh about it (laugh at him perhaps)
But until then…I am going through another “funeral” of sorts
And I am once again making a promise to myself that there will be no more “there was this guy” stories
Let’s hope this time I mean it

“My Salvation Lies In Your Love”

*best read while listening to Alexis’ Murdoch’s Orange Sky

I see her lying on the bed, physically helpless and weak, the energetic woman now ravaged by the disease that has stolen countless women from our lives. Her family is around her, hopeful but accepting, scared but supportive, in pain but their strength surrounds her. She is hurting, but she’s at peace, knowing that her parents, her sisters, her brothers in law, her nieces and nephews, they will all be there for her kids. And she is at peace, knowing she will soon be with her Maker. And she will never be forgotten

I listen to them raving about their babies, as if they are the most precious beings on the planet. And they are. Every little cute movement, every funny thing they say, their mothers think they’re geniuses and the cutest things. These are women I grew up with, girls I shared my youthful confidences in, girls who were with me during the stupidest and most profound moments in my life. And now I see them turning into the strongest of God’s creatures: mothers

I see a nation awash in yellow, people grieving for the loss of a beloved former president. Politics are forgotten for the moment, differences set aside, and we mourn as one. If only for a few days

I hear them constantly fight, bicker, tease each other, irritate each other. But at the end of the day, when one asks for ice cream at 2AM, the other one immediately goes to 7-11. And when the other wants desperately to change jobs, the other one revises his resume and personally goes through jobstreet everyday. It goes beyond what society deems acceptable, but they accept each other the way they want to be accepted

I see them around me, some crying, some still not understanding why I’m leaving, some trying to lighten the mood by cracking corny jokes and eating like there’s no tomorrow. They have been my family for 3 years, and will continue to be my family, whatever way I choose. They will continue to be my home away from home

I see her eyes glow whenever I come home unannounced and Lola’s frail body envelopes me in a fragile hug. I kiss her cheek and I smell the scent that has enveloped me from the day I was born and Mama asks until when I’m staying. I hear him play his inane songs to annoy me but in the next breath, Carlo asks me if I want Coke and that there’s chocolate in the ref. I spend more time away from home, but when I do go home, I know that I am truly home

That is love

10 Reasons Why I Loved/Hated The Half Blood Prince

5 Reasons Why I Loved It

1. The cinematographer was Bruno Delbonnel, who was also the Director of Photography for Amelie and Across the Universe

2. The script had a good mixture of humor, romance, action, magic and melodrama. I found myself reacting to all elements, unlike with Transformers, which had all the elements above but failed miserably

3. Gandalf, ah, I mean Dumbledore, was becoming more and more like Gandalf. Which is always a good thing in my book

4. Luna. Bellatrix. Snape. Caricature-ish characters, yes, but I found them fascinating. Only Luna can pull off wearing a lion’s head in a Quidditch match. Only Helena Bonham Carter can give justice to the insanity of Bellatrix. And I adore Alan Rickman in whatever role he inhabits. And yes, Snape is my favorite Potter-verse character.

5. For all her faults and her “borrowing” elements from Tolkien, CS Lewis and all other fantasy writers before her, JK Rowling is a pretty good storyteller

5 Reasons Why I Disliked It

1. No Bill/Fleur. Barely a Remus/Tonks sighting. If you’re gonna put in romance and the likes, why not include the two stories, even briefly. Yeah, I know you have to trim down the book to make it fit into 2 1/2 hours, but I would have loved to have seen the annoying Fleur stand by her man after Fenrir ripped Bill’s face. Or seen Tonks’ new Patronus and hear her declare her love for Remus Lupin, werewolf and all. Oh, and where was the fight scene in Hogwarts? An Order of the Phoenix and Death Eaters showdown is always very much welcome

2. Why didn’t they show the funeral? The merpeople, the centaurs, the giants, even Dolores Umbridge paying tribute to….the one who died (yes, there are still some people who dont know the one who died), that would have been an awesome ending to the movie

3. The Inferi were much scarier in the book and in my head. Here they were just…meh. Oh yeah, the Inferi were the undead who tried to drown Harry in the caves. Which is too similar to the Dead Marshes scene in Two Towers. Which leads to…

4. Is it just me, or does every fantasy movie now “borrow” (steal) scenes from The Lord of the Rings trilogy? Being a Tolkien purist (fanatic), it’s becoming annoying. Except for the Dumbledore/Gandalf comparison, I found myself scoffing (snorting) everytime I notice an LOTR reference (copycat)

5. Too long. Could’ve done with less Lavander. Less Slughorn. And that chase scene in the cornfields and the burning of the Weasley house? Pointless and unecessary

But I’m probably just nitpicking. I liked it more than I disliked it, and I wouldn’t mind watching it again. So yeah, go and watch. Otherwise, you will have no contribution to the watercooler conversation

Music Pimp # 1

A lot (okay, maybe not a lot, maybe 5) of people say that I have good taste in music. And I love recommending new and/or obscure artists to my friends. Making mixed CDs is one hobby of mine which I really, really love (please, ask me for a mixed CD, it’s been a while). So, why not make regular blog posts about artist that may be old, new, obscure or popular, which I hope you’ll enjoy. Bashing is also allowed, although for the most part, I hope you’ll agree with me

TECHY ROMANTICS

Anyone who knows me knows that I am not the biggest electronica fan. But the first time I heard them live, I fell in like with the genre, and I fell in love with the band. Just a few gigs more, and I might become an official groupie. Camyl’s voice is just heavenly, Ryan’s guitars are understated but effective and Dondi’s sampling is groovy. Their music is perfect for that moment when you’re sitting in the dark, a drink in one hand, friends around you, just silent and letting the music sink in. And no one will blame you if you suddenly want to jump and dance. Check out their music here. Be a fan also in their FB fan page here. I cannot wait for their album, coming soon. Oh, and did I mention that their song Photos Fade is my message alert tone? Right, Im a groupie alright.

IDA MARIA

Okay, I am not a fan because her name is one name short of becoming my exact name (yes, my real name is Maria Elena Ida). I am a fan because her music is F-U-N!!! She has this song called “I Like You So Much Better When You’re Naked” and it doesn’t get fun-ner than that. Her songs are as cheeky as Lily Allen’s, but she has this deep, raspy voice that reminds me of Katrina from Katrina and the Waves. Oh and she’s Norwegian (always a cool factor for me) and she looks like she’s from the 40s, but with eyeliner

(for some reason the Naked video is not available due to copyright stuff, so here’s another song)

STARS

Indie music darlings Stars have been around for a few years now, but except for a few indie music aficionados here in the Philippines, they’re still relatively unknown. And I guess that’s one of the appeals of this group, that they make beautiful, eloquent music, and that they belong to only a handful of us. But I don’t want to be that selfish, so I want to share them with you. I can’t even pick a favorite song, because all of their songs speak to me; atmospheric, lush instrumentation, haunting melodies. But if I had to pick one, it would be the song below, my ode to that non-existent person who was supposed to be my destiny, but got lost along the way, and may never be found

Until the next edition….

The Struggle in My Bed

No, it’s not what you think (that is, if your mind is in the gutter)

When I was still a working woman (which was like, two weeks ago), mornings are the worst. I’ve never been a morning person. I can stay up really, really late, till 5AM or beyond, but it takes a humongous effort for me to get up at 7AM. When I was still in Laguna, it was a constant battle between me and my Mom to actually get up when I needed to. 3 alarm clocks don’t make any difference, and I’ve abused the snooze button countless times

So one of the things I was so looking forward to now that I am a woman of leisure (aka freelancing aka jobless aka broke) was to wake up whenever I want to and sleep however late I want to

But it has become my greatest enemy

My bed continues to be a magnet, and me, I’m made of metallic material. But now, there is that added bonus of the emotional upheaval I experience whenever I wake up

At least, before, I had a purpose, I had something to look forward to, and yes, even the pressure and stress were reasons enough for me to get out of bed and force myself to step into the shower, when my head still wants to lie on my soft pillow

But now, I wake up, and I think to myself, “No one is looking for me, no one needs me, there is nothing that I should be doing right at this moment”. And those thoughts depress the crap out of me

And so the struggle to get my butt out of bed goes on…but this time, it is without joy lurking just around the corner. I actually dread what is lurking out there, terrified that it will devour me. And no one will be there, or will care enough, to hear me scream

Don’t get me wrong,  I know I still made the right decision, but someone needs to kick me out of this funk of my own making. Someone needs to talk some sense into me. Someone needs to drag me out of this self-pitying mode

And the scariest thought of all…is that no one is there to do all of the above

Let the pity party end

Another Wonderland Post

At a certain part in your life. Probably when too much of it has gone by. You will open your eyes and see yourself for who you are. Especially for everything that made you so different from all the awful normals. And you will say to yourself, “But I am this person.” And in that statement, that correction, there will be a kind of love. – Miss Dodger, Phoebe in Wonderland

Quietly devastating

This is what I was feeling as I watched Elle Fanning’s first starring role in Phoebe in Wonderland. While always relegated to being Dakota’s little sister, I always knew there was something special in her, even as she played a younger version of her sister in I Am Sam and she even stole scenes in Babel, as Cate Blanchett and Brad Pitt’s young daughter.

Elle comes into her own as Phoebe, an odd little girl who just can’t seem to fit into the mold that the school and her family want her to be in. Apart from being “different”, she seems to be suffering from either OCD or Tourette’s which causes her to unintentionally hurt herself and break rules and say things she shouldn’t.

It seems to be a Hallmark Disease-of-the-Week movie, but the wonderful performances of the actors in the movie, Elle, Felicity Huffman as her conflicted mother, Bill Pullman as her seemingly distant father, even her younger sister (played by that uber cute younger sister in Bridge to Terabithia) and the luminous Patricia Clarkson as her theater teacher,saves this movie from becoming just another tearjerker.

But boy, were my tears jerked. It’s a good thing I was in my room alone, or else my brother would’ve laughed at me, crying into my laptop once again. What I loved most about this movie, was the metaphor of Alice in Wonderland, which happened to be the play that brought Phoebe out of her shell, (hence the title, duh). I was actually scared that Phoebe would turn out to be schizophrenic because she kept seeing and speaking to Wonderland characters  like The Red Queen and Humpty Dumpty. But I guess, when you are a young girl and  can’t understand and control what’s happening to you, you tend to escape into a world where everything seems wondrous and perfect.

There’s this scene that got me sobbing like a baby. Phoebe inexplicably jumped from the stage rafters, and afterwards, she asks her mother “Am I supposed to feel hope?”. And that is just an utterly sad question coming from a 9 year old. And I may be 21 years older than her, but I find myself asking that same question, given recent events in my life. But that is another blog entry…

Even though the ending was abit too Hallmark movie-ish, this is still a beautiful movie where no one over acted, where there was no big tragedy but it was still devastating enough, where you can find a deeper meaning to Alice in Wonderland, where you find yourself asking why do we still look differently at people who are not of our mold and why do we even want to put them into neat little boxes and categories when we should be celebrating how beautiful it is to be different from each other?

I recommend watching this movie, re-reading Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass and then waiting with bated breath Tim Burton’s take (see my previous post) on this wonderful classic.

Passion Pit – The Reeling

I’m not so crazy about the song, but the video is, for me, one of the best for this year. In keeping with the retro-electronica feel of the song, the video looks like a post-prod heavy magazine collage. I love the scratchy texture and the DIY look. Now that I have a lot more time to scrounge around youtube and the web, I will be posting a lot of new and interesting stuff that im discovering (so that the emo-ing will come to a halt)

Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland

This is one movie that I am soooo excited about. Tim Burton is really the one director (aside from Guillermo del Toro) that can truly capture the psychotic and psychidelic world of Lewis Carol’s Alice in Wonderland. See for yourself…

Just looking at these gives me the chills…

Mia Wasikowska as Alice Kingsley

Just as Heath Ledger was born to play The Joker, Johnny Depp is perfection as The Mad Hatter

As always, Helena Bonham Carter fascinates and creeps me out as The Red Queen. Off with her head!!!

Anne Hathaway has to be the most beautiful White Queen ever

Transformers 2: Nominee for Worst Movie of the Year

So obviously, if you liked the movie, you should stop reading this right now, because this is an unabashed bashing of the movie

“The human mind can only take so much mindless explosions and drivel”

That was the thought running through my head as I sat through almost three hours of what was supposedly a continuation of the hugely successful first movie of one of the iconic cartoons of our generation. While I thoroughly enjoyed the first installment, this one felt too long, too drawn out, too trite, too much. And they say too much of a good thing is bad. So what do you call too much of a bad thing? Transformers 2

It’s a good thing my expectations of this movie was very low already, given all the negative reviews. I was still prepared to give it a chance, but I was not prepared for this suckfest of a movie. Everything felt too forced; the humor, the action scenes, the attempt at a decent story, and yes…hate me for this…but sheesh, Megan Fox. Don’t even get me started. I appreciate female beauty as much as any straight girl normally does, but come on! Does she have to have all those slow-mo glamour shots, and close ups of her face that has only one expression (pouty) and they had to inexplicably have her change into a dress, just so they can say she had an almost nude scene in a PG-13 movie. Anyways, I guess the director knew he had to have some saving grace for this movie and for most of the hetero men in the world, she was it

And can you say Lord of the Rings rip-off? I can’t even count the times when they totally stole scenes, dialogue, even music from LOTR. I am one of the biggest LOTR fans I know and it felt sacriligeous. I kept expecting The Fallen to say “My Precious” when he was looking for the matrix, or whatever that was

I can appreciate actionb blockbuster movies if it had no pretensions of being deep or even having a decent storyline. Car chase scenes, gun fights, and yes even robot fights can be thoroughly enjoyable…if you don’t do it over and over and over and over…and then add “human” scenes as an afterthought and then add seemingly meaningful dramatic moments or attempts at humor (and I say attempt, because I laughed like once or twice, and at scenes that weren’t intentionally funny). I couldn’t even feel an ounce of sadness when my favorite character supposedly died, and that’s saying a lot for me. I can’t remember how many times i cringed, sighed, pulled my hair out of frustration, until I just finally walked out and waited for the movie to end at the lobby. Which apparently, was not the exit point for the moviegoers, so I almost got locked in the IMAX theater, thanks to the guards who did not inform me that everyone else had gone home

I feel stressed just thinking about the movie so I’ll just shut up now

The only good, no, great, thing about last night, was that i got to spend an entire evening with my ex-colleagues and forever friends. I still miss you guys. Everyday